She might be your friend, family member, neighbour or someone at work. What do you do when she tells you or you think that she is in a violent relationship?

Your response can make a big difference. If she feels support and encouragement it can help her feel stronger and able to make decisions. If she feels criticised and judged, she could pull away from you and be afraid to tell anyone else about the abuse.

Here are some tips that might help you help her.

Signs
What can I do?
If she is ready to talk

What are the signs?
Often there will be nothing obvious. Friends and family can interpret signs of fear as being ‘quiet’ or responsive to her partner.
She may:

• Seem afraid of her partner or is always very anxious to please them
• Stop seeing friends or family or cut her phone calls to you short when her partner comes into the room.
• Say that her partner continually phones her or texts her when she is out
• Say that her partner is ‘jealous’ and ‘possessive’ and accuses her of seeing other men
• Have become anxious, depressed or quieter and may have lost her confidence
• Have bruises, sprains or cuts on her body

• Approach her in a sensitive way about the abuse, when she is alone and it is safe for her to speak
• Respect her decision to if she does not want to talk about the abuse. She may be fearful or feel ashamed.

• Listen to her
• Believe what she tells you. Many abusers can appear caring and charming; however this does not indicate the kind of person they are behind closed doors.
• Take the abuse seriously
• Focus on how she is feeling and how she is coping with the abuse
• Let her know the abuse is not her fault
• Focus on her safety and her children’s safety
• Let her know you are there for her
• Let her know about the Domestic Violence Line - ph: 1800 65 64 63 where she can talk to a domestic counsellor at any time - 24hrs/7 days a week.
• If you think you or her might be in danger, call the police.